Super Quiz #2: Health and Wellness

First a gentle reminder. If you experience any of the following:
Easily hurt and/or compromised feelings
Extreme religious and/or political opinions and mentality
Diarrhea of the mouth while suffering the above afflictions
Please do not read my blog.

If you have an aversion to cursing, violence, sex, destruction of property, having a sense of humor, or Article 19 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights please do not read my blog.

If you dislike or have difficulty understanding satire/sarcasm, just don't even bother. Nobody likes you anyway.

Awesome blog reading discretion has been advised. Don't be mad, Boo.

Super Quiz #2: Health and Wellness

1. How much water should the average, healthy adult drink in a day?
   a) 8 – 8oz glasses (64 oz) or about 2 Liters (you're such a nerd).
   b) You don't really have to drink that much water as long as you drink an equal volume of something else like Dr. Pepper, beer, or Gatorade.
   c) I ain't drinkin' no water! Fish fuck in the water!
2. Should stem cell research continue?
   a) Yes.
   b) No – until I have a stroke or Parkinson's disease or one of my loved ones has a serious medical condition that could be cured with the findings in stem cell research, then it'll totally be ok.
3. Which of the following is most hazardous to your health?
   a) Eating an entire bucket of fried chicken by yourself at least 3 times a week.
   b) Working 14 hour shifts 6 days a week in a coal mine in the 1930's
   c) Ice Hockey
4. What is a “panic attack”?
   a) A serious medical condition possibly caused by a past experienced trauma or severe immediate stress.
   b) An excuse to miss work or not work at all
   c) An excuse to have a legal prescription for mild narcotics
   d) An excuse to have people pay a lot of attention to you
   e) An excuse to keep it quiet in your house
5. Make it so the room you are in is completely quiet and tell me what you hear.
   a) Ringing. I take a lot of aspirin/motrin and have a poor diet
   b) Pounding. I eat a lot of salty food and sit around all day playing video games/masturbating.
   c) The Ocean. I never clean my ears / I have an ear infection.
   d) Moaning and sucking. You lucky bastard.
6. How long should it take an average healthy adult to walk a mile?
   a) About 20 minutes, depending on traffic
   b) I don't know. Is my Rascal fully charged? (HOLY CRAP! Did I not just say 'walk' you lazy ass?!)
   c) It depends on whether I'm going uphill, both ways, in 3 feet of snow or not.
   d) I'll let you know as soon as I get this fucking hip replaced, asshole! (Oh, sorry Grandpa) I KNOW YOU ARE! (I'll go charge the Rascal)
7. How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
   a) Zero – that's not my light bulb.
   b) Zero – call maintenance. That's their job.
   c) More than you can shake a stick at if the light bulb is required in the room of a patient with a really hot grandson or something.
8. What's the difference between God and doctors?
   a) God would never remind you, at every opportunity, of how stupid he thinks you are.
   b) God understands the following equation: Disgruntled and unappreciated nursing staff = NO SLEEP.
   c) God doesn't think he's a doctor.
9. What's that on your face?
   a) Acne. I'm a teenager trying to figure out what products work best for me.
   b) It's an exfoliating mask of Pomegranate, Ginko Biloba, and natural fruit enzymes. (Wow. That sounds like a really expensive waste of time, middle aged white lady.)
   c) Sperm. (I thought I told you to stop doing porn!)
   d) It's a fucking mole, OK?! Stop calling it my “third eye”!
   Answers:
   You gonna die