Sunday, July 3, 2011

You Know You've Been a Nurse Too Long If.....

First a gentle reminder. If you experience any of the following:
Easily hurt and/or compromised feelings
Extreme religious and/or political opinions and mentality
Diarrhea of the mouth while suffering the above afflictions
Please do not read my blog.

If you have an aversion to cursing, violence, sex, destruction of property, having a sense of humor, or Article 19 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights please do not read my blog.

If you dislike or have difficulty understanding satire/sarcasm, just don't even bother. Nobody likes you anyway.

Awesome blog reading discretion has been advised. Don't be mad, Boo.

Oct 16, 2007
You know you’ve been a nurse too long if....

*** Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.*** Your idea of a good time is a code at change of shift.*** You believe in aerosol spraying of Prozac.*** You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis.*** You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.*** You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if someone should say "Boy, it sure is quiet around here..."*** You admire a stranger's veins.*** You have referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit."*** You don't think a consult with Dr. Kavorkian is inappropriate.*** You have had to leave a patient's room before breaking into uncontrollable laughter.*** When ordering labs, you have wanted to order a "feces on the brain" profile.*** You are astounded when somebody in the lab speaks English.*** You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA.*** You can calculate the "tooth to tattoo ratio" without a calculator.*** You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.*** You have used your status to get out of a speeding ticket.*** You've called in sick on a full moon.*** You've got voodoo dolls labeled with doctor's names....and lots of needles stuck therein.*** You believe that every waiting room should come with a valium salt lick*** You have restrained someone, and it was not a sexual experience.*** You barely consider the raise your employer offers you, before moving on to another job.*** You aren't sure who your boss is. *** You know how to say bedpan in five languages.*** You keep oxygen equipment in your locker, just in case there's a code on the same day as cost containment is implemented by your employer.*** You recognize that unionization is professional (sorry Joni) *** You've ever wanted to hold a seminar called "Suicide...getting it right the FIRST time."

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