Luckenbach, Texas

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Easily hurt and/or compromised feelings
Extreme religious and/or political opinions and mentality
Diarrhea of the mouth while suffering the above afflictions
Please do not read my blog.

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So a while back my buddy Gordon had the Waylon and Willie song "Luckenbach Texas (Back to the Basics of Love)" stuck in his head and ran around at work singing the same goddamn lyric over and over, as he does with every damn song that's stuck in his head.  He can never get past the one lyric (currently stuck on "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry, singing "There's a party in my head!" even though he knows that's not how it goes.  He does it to torment me knowing I can't stand that song when sung properly anyway).

So after hearing "LUCKENBACH TEXAS!" a hundred times, I decided to look the place up.  It would SUCK to live there.  So I told him to start a thread about how bad living there really would be.  This is the product of that request taken directly from the thread on Facebook.  Enjoy.

Gordon Miller:
It's legal to eat babies in luckenbach texas.


Daniel Briggs:
In Luckenbach Texas, they make homeless orphans cook you breakfast...

Gordon Miller:
In luckenbach women have teeth in their vaginas


Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach Texas the cops don't carry guns. They carry baseball bats and hand grenades....

Gordon Miller:
 In luckenbach they still use myspace...


Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach Texas, Jesus doesn't save shit. He just gave up......

Gordon Miller:
 In luckenbach the roads are paved with animal bones...


Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach, if you want to have kids, you're required by law to give the mayor a sponge bath with your own breast milk.

Gordon Miller:
 In luckenbach toilets must only be flushed at 12:00am

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach Texas they have Hepatitis F.

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach they still use No. 1 pencils....

Gordon Miller:
 In luckenbach it's rude if you don't scratch your balls before shaking someone's hand. And the women well......they scratch other things before shaking your hand....

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach, the opossums come for you at night.

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach, they filter their water through a shoe.

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach, their balls are so big it takes a specially designed pant wedge to get them in their underwear.

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach, the construction site porta-potties haven't been cleaned since 1938.

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach Texas, sex change operations are performed with a hammer and an ice cream scoop.

Daniel Briggs:
 In Luckenbach, Donkey Punching actually involves a real donkey.

Gordon Miller:
 In luckenbach shaking a pill bottle is the mating call....."cum git it!"

Gordon Miller:
 FACT you didn't know about luckenbach .... there's a special factory where workers shave off the pubic hair of of barbie dolls, all the extra hair goes to locks of love.

Gordon Miller:
 They buried the Mayflower under the 7-11 in luckenbach.

Gordon Miller:
 More People speak English in luckenbach than any part of the world.

Gordon Miller:
 In luckenbach no one has a belly button


So tell me Facebookies......what the hell is going on in Luckenbach Texas?!  Leave your comments!